Even Syndicate Bosses Can Laugh At Themselves
by Bobster
Summary: A wiseguy within the Syndicate has his wits and wittiness tested when he gets roped into performing a comedy act as part of a plan to boost troop morale for the upcoming Stumanderung Project. Chapter 3 is now (finally) up.
1. In Need Of A Break

Disclaimer: Oni and all of its characters are the property of Bungie/Take Two.  
  
"Even Syndicate Bosses Can Laugh At Themselves"  
  
Chapter 1:  
  
"Here are the Base Incident Reports for this month, sir."  
  
The Head of Operations, a baby-faced 25 year old with short, brown hair, watched anxiously as the Syndicate's unchallenged leader skimmed through the newly delivered papers from behind his desk.  
  
"Mr. Minagawa, I understand that accidents and discipline problems have increased for the third month in a row now", the purple haired boss said almost nonchalantly.  
  
"Yes, Mr. Hasegawa," stated Minagawa, trying not to let his dread show in his voice. "Over the past four weeks, we have had 18 work related injuries, three of them fatal. Also, there have been four separate incidences where conflicts between combat teams turned violent, the most recent occurring inside Docking Area 2B. You may have also heard about the suicide of Corporal Newman last week. It's widely believed that he was driven to it over his team's failure to smuggle the Q-31 Railgun past customs."  
  
Muro Hasegawa set the report back down before lacing his fingers together in his lap and looking up at Minagawa.  
  
"This news is very distressing," said Muro in an annoyed tone that made his subordinate all the more nervous. "But not surprising, unfortunately. We have spent these past three months making every effort at staying one step ahead of the TCTF while laying the groundwork for my Sturmanderung Project. While the seizure of the Railgun was disappointing, its importance pales in comparison to that of Sturmanderung. Its success depends on the protection of its secrecy, a fact that all involved have been well informed of. Inevitably, the strain caused by such demands has begun to take its toll on our men as your latest reports have shown." As he spoke, Muro's emerald green eyes detected a slight twinkle in Minagawa's cobalt blue ones. "Any suggestions," Muro concluded.  
  
"Yes, sir," began Minagawa. "Our men are in need of reprieve. If it is possible, they should be allowed a bit of R&R. A few days would do well toward recharging their batteries, so to speak."  
  
To his surprise, Muro replied instantly. He apparently had been thinking along similar lines.  
  
"Our diligence has netted us a full three weeks ahead of schedule," said Muro with a hint of pride in his voice. "I'd be willing to freeze operations for a week in order to give the troops a chance to unwind. Perhaps something along the lines of an entertainment show as well."  
  
"Yes, that could cap it off quite nicely," replied Minagawa. "I know some of the younger fellows down in one of our Recon teams who play in a rock band at some of the Syndicate friendly nightclubs in downtown NeoTokyo. They're rather popular among our guys if I remember correctly. Throw in a few motivational speakers and maybe a comedienne and this show could actually work.  
  
"The comedienne. I know just the guy. Been with us for several years now and has worked in different areas of our organization, so he's bound to have enough material for his skit. Also, he's a real wiseass."  
  
"Perfect," replied Muro, a slight grin on his face. "We'll begin our vacation at the close of this week. Even I could use a break. Despite what you might have heard, I'm only human. I'll let you get started on organizing the entertainment show. Dismissed."  
  
Minagawa thanked his boss and left. As he headed down the hall toward the elevator, the newly appointed man in charge of the upcoming entertainment show mentally jotted down a list of people he needed to get in touch with. This project had the potential to boost morale at a much needed time while gaining favor with Muro. He just hoped he could pull it off.  
  
Author's Notes: Intrigued? Good. The next chapter should be coming soon. Tell me what you think so far.  
  
Bobster 


	2. The Reluctant Recruit

Disclaimer:  Oni and all of its characters are the property of Bungie/Take Two.

**Chapter 2**

            Word quickly spread throughout the Syndicate base about the upcoming vacation, as well as who was in charge of the planned entertainment show.  Minagawa didn't have to make as many calls as he had believed.  Three music bands, including the one he had mentioned to Muro, soon contacted him wanting to perform.  Two of the Syndicate's best motivational speakers (as vocal propagandists were called within the Syndicate) also offered their services at the upcoming entertainment show.  The roster for the main event was filled nicely by these volunteers.  Minagawa just needed one more performer, the comedienne.  

            Tim Melvin was briskly rifling through the files of the Syndicate's newest recruits.  It was his job to recommend them to posts that best suited their particular talents.  Tim, as well as most in Muro's ranks, had heard of the upcoming break.  He too had been under increased stress due to the upcoming Sturmanderung Project.  The fact that the now deceased Corporal Newman had been one of his most promising recruits hadn't done much for his nerves.  The vacation would be a welcome development, especially considering that his best friend was in charge of the so called "entertainment show".  That thought was enough to make him chuckle out loud.

            Tim's thoughts were interrupted by a knock at his door.

            "Come in," he said, looking up from his paperwork.  Well speak of the Devil Tim thought to himself upon seeing who it was.

            "Hello, Yoshi," Tim grinned at Minagawa.  "I hear Muro put you in charge of some entertainment show.  What's it gonna have, dancing girls and propaganda speakers?"  Tim couldn't help but tease Yoshi.

            "Partly right," countered Yoshi.  "In addition to the mandatory speakers, we're going to have a couple of our aspiring music bands and a comedienne."

            "Oh really?  Who's the poor bastard that gets to try and make Muro and company laugh?"  Tim knew a few smartasses he would like to see handed that duty.

            Yoshi stared expectedly at Tim.

            "Don't tell me you need me to find someone for…"  It suddenly dawned on Tim what Yoshi was getting at.

            "Yosh," Tim said, anxiety starting to show in his voice.  "Tell me you didn't sign me up." 

            "I personally recommended you to Muro," Yoshi said while crossing his arms and leaning against the doorframe.  "He is expecting you to perform."

            Tim stared at Yoshi in horror, mouth agape.  Yoshi was actually serious about this.

            "Yosh," he finally forced out.  "How the hell do you expect me to do a comedy act?  I'm no comedienne!"

            "Sure you are," Yoshi countered, a bit annoyed by Tim's modesty.  "You have plenty of material you could use."

            "Material?  What material?  All the jokes about the TCTF and WCG are ancient history by now!  Besides, bitching about those two is what the propagandists are for."  Tim couldn't believe that Yoshi was doing this to him.

            "Don't give me that," Yoshi decided to spell it out for him.  "You've been here for years, most of those among the new people.  All those wisecracks I hear from you about them should give you all the material you need."    

            Tim paused to consider Yoshi's advice.  Dealing with the new recruits often required that he use humor as a way to blow off steam before he completely lost it and strangled them.  It could work.  The people in the Syndicate were only human.  Surely they could laugh at themselves.

            "It'll work," Yoshi reassured, as though he could read Tim's mind.  "Even Syndicate bosses can laugh at themselves.  Now I'll leave you alone to get started on your routine."  Yoshi started out the door, then paused and turned.

            "And Tim?"

            "Yes?"

            "Don't pick on Muro too much.  I don't want us being taken on any fieldtrips to the nearby "Wilderness Preserve" any time soon."

            "Gee, thanks for the advice.  You're a real pal."  

            "Any time," Yoshi concluded, amused by Tim's sarcasm as he headed out the door and back to his office.

            Tim turned back to his desk, blankly looking at the pile of files.   

            "I hate being a wiseguy sometimes," Tim mumbled under his breath before putting the files away.


	3. Getting Things Ready

Chapter 3  
  
And so it began.  
  
With the new week beginning, the atmosphere of the Syndicate stronghold became one of relaxation, a concept that shortly before would have seemed incomprehensible. With major activities put on hold, months of stress and foreboding had been lifted off the heads of Muro's people. The only exceptions to this were Yoshi Minagawa and Tim Melvin.  
  
Yoshi was grateful that the Entertainment Show was scheduled to be on the last day of the week, for it seemed that he would need every second he could get. In addition to getting the stage (the main auditorium had been reserved for him at Muro's request) set up for the bands, speakers, and Tim, there were the issues of the bands, speakers, and Tim. The main issue was how they were going to be rostered and in what order. After various debates, consultations, and coin flipping, Yoshi produced the finished schedule.  
  
The show would start off with the first motivational speaker, a man by the name of Herman Brooks. Stern in appearance but with a refreshing since of humor, Brooks had a knack for making introductions. Putting him first was by far Yoshi's easiest decision. Next would be the band that Yoshi had mentioned to Muro, a woman's rock band by the name of Furies Unleashed, though its fans more commonly referred to it by the initials "F.U.". As would be the case with the other two bands, it would play three of its most popular songs. Next would be the band New World Menace, a hip hop group that consisted of the Syndicate's younger Strikers and had a ninja with a modified vocal system for its lead singer. Next would be the second speaker, a man Yoshi didn't care for. Kigoreishi Hakamoto, or "Kigore The Big Bore" as he was often called, was the Syndicate's main spokesman for its affairs with prospective clients. In his late fifties and with a head of snow white hair, Kigoreishi was about as animated as a half buried boulder when he spoke in his constantly monotonous voice. Since Muro had insisted on his presence, Yoshi had no way of getting out of having to include him. He just hoped that Kigoreishi wouldn't put the audience in a coma before he finished. Tim and his routine would be next, as Yoshi figured that the place would need a few good laughs at that point. Concluding the show would be the third band, Copyright Haters Anonymous. This band's specialty was doing parodies of popular mainstream songs, usually at the expense of the TCTF.  
  
While Yoshi was getting the show together, Tim was trying to get his act together. He went through the files of his past recruits, hoping to spark memories of them that he could use in his routine. He soon had enough material to sustain him. The only problem was picking the best of it so that he wouldn't be onstage for the whole day.  
  
As the week progressed, the more competitive of the Syndicate's denizens, set up various contests geared towards their tastes. Among the most popular of them were the long range and quick drill shooting matches. The long range match was dominated by the elite of the Syndicate's sharpshooters, but an upset occurred in the quick drills when one of the Comguys took 1st place, edging past two ninjas and a Valkyrie. Sports provide another avenue of inspiration. A basketball game was set up between two rival Assault Teams. It ended with a brawl between the two teams, which actually made it more of a hit with the spectators. Tim, who had been watching the game with Yoshi, commented that "if it was a bit colder in here, we could have set up a hockey game instead". The final main attraction was a high diving contest held at the pool in one of the compound's gyms. As a stunt, one of the Titans got it in his head to go for a cannonball to end all cannonballs. Unfortunately, he sank like a stone due to wearing his armor and had to be pulled out and resuscitated.  
  
The day finally came for the Entertainment Show. Supervising the final touches being put on the stage, Yoshi barely heard Tim as he came up from behind him.  
  
"Well Yosh," Tim teased. "Tonight's the night."  
  
"You just make sure you don't mess up my show," Yoshi countered.  
  
"Yeah. I'll try to remember to wake up on time when Big Bore's done. Thanks for sticking me after him by the way."  
  
"Hey," replied Yoshi, who was getting irritated by the conversation. "I'm the one who's saddled with making this thing work. I'm the one who's gonna get it if it flops. I've set this up to the best of my ability. When you get your own show to set up, you can see for yourself how easy it really is."  
  
Tim was silent for a moment before responding.  
  
"Well however this thing goes, you can rest assured of one thing."  
  
Yeah, what's that, Yoshi asked distractedly as he watched a section of lights being set up.  
  
"Someday, I'll get you for this."  
  
"Just save your funny stuff for your act tonight, OK?"  
  
"Ha, ha," grumbled Tim. It was going to be a long night. 


End file.
